From tantrums to worship

Last Sunday, I took a video of my youngest during our church's corporate worship time. A dear friend handed him a flag and he immediately began to swing it around, giggling and dancing in the aisle. Watching Littlest play with the movement of the flag and wiggle along to the music was delightful. His innocence, trust, and sweet abandon were inspiring. It was exactly how I want my own experience of worship to feel, all the time.

Here, Littlest was having a tantrum about something or other later that same day. He was unhappy and was not shy in letting me know about it. But even in the middle of his displeasure with me, he was turning to me with his distress. He was mad, but he still wanted me near.

He was reaching for me.

The Psalms are replete with examples of this kind of worship. Many of the Psalms accredited to King David include him crying out in fits of desperation or despair, demanding God step in and do something bout the injustice and suffering he is experiencing. There is no shortage of "negative" emotions spilling out of his heart. But no matter how angry or frustrated he got, David always drew closer to God. He trusted that he was safe with God, regardless of how ugly his initial feelings may have been. And God never failed to stay close to David either. God did not roll His eyes and tell David they could talk when he got himself together. He never got offended by David's accusations, implied or explicit, that God wasn't managing things well enough. He witnessed the pain and walked with David through it.

More often than I care to admit, my worship looks like that second picture. I am crying and angry, bruised and disappointed, but I am still reaching for God. I am begging Him to hold me, even as I accuse Him of moving too slowly, or keeping some good from me. I am turning to Him with all of my big bad emotions and trusting He is big enough to carry me through them.

So whether you are waving a flag or shaking your fists, just know that God sees you. He knows what you are going through, and He promises to stay right there with you as you process all your grief and your joy. He can handle all of your heart, your emotions, and your worship.

Even the stuff that starts with a tantrum.